THE THREE OBSTACLES TO WEALTH, article by Michael Niell.
One of the benefits people are often searching for when they hire me is to create a significant increase in their level of wealth - both the amount of income they are able to create and the level of wellbeing they are able to sustain in creating and maintaining it. In order to assist them in this endeavor, there are three key obstacles I have seen that seem to separate the haves from the have-nots, or at least the "have mores" from the "have lesses".None of them are to do with where you were born or where you live, your gender or race, or even what your current level of education is. Over the next few weeks, I am going to share each of the three obstacles with you along with some strategies for moving beyond them. Why? Because I believe, along with George Bernard Shaw, that "The lack of money is the root of all evil."To explain that somewhat provocative quotation a bit more, let'sspend this week exploring the first of our obstacles to wealth.
Obstacle number one:
The Desire for Approval"If I had a prayer, it would be this: 'God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen.'"-Byron Katie In order to see how the desire for approval serves as an obstacle to wealth, consider going up to 100 people and offering them your services for sale. Now, 50 of these people alreadyknow you very well - they are members of your family, friends, and colleagues. The other 50 are complete strangers and don't know anything about you. Which group would you find it easier to approach? In my experience, people are fairly split in their answers to this, but less than 5 in a hundred people I ask it to would find approaching both groups to sell their product or services an effortless, fun endeavor.The reason for this is because we don't want to risk the disapproval of others, not even of complete strangers. But imagine how much easier it would be for you to make money if your sense of wellbeing was strong enough that you didn't have to worry about what other people thought of you in order to feel safe, happy and well.The desire for approval is, in my experience, best understood by looking at how it all began. Here's an excerpt from a tip I wrote about this a few years ago (Members of the Solutions Café can find the full text by searching for "The Four Wants"in the tip archives)..."Imagine yourself inside a 'motel womb'. You've been there for around nine months, so you're feeling completely at home , although lately things have been a bit cramped. You're relaxing on your heated waterbed, snacking on placenta flavored potato chips, minding your own business, when all of a sudden BOOM -you feel an earthquake start to shake the bed and before you know it, you're being forced out through the door by an unseen force with the intensity of a tornado.You stumble out into the blinding light, get smacked on the buttby a masked giant, and begin to scream. It's hardly surprising at this point that the desire for safety might arise. And feeling safe and well is a wonderful thing. But that initial experience of danger is so profound that it can continue to get triggered throughout our lives, and we beginto crave 'security' - the knowledge that not only are we safe now, but we will always be safe. Any time we feel unsafe, we seek to control our environment and particularly the people around us in order to return to safety. Now, some of these people will allow us to 'control them'through the intensity of our feelings, particularly if through our anger or sadness or fear we are able to stimulate their own insecurity and wanting to be safe. But sooner or later we come to the realization that we can't control everyone.However, even if we can't control people, we soon work out that we can still stay safe around them.How? Well, it turns out that if people approve of what we are doing,they won't hurt us (most of the time). So we learn to be'nice' and to do as we're told so that 'they' will approve of us and we get to stay safe - at least for as long as they keep approving of us."In other words, the desire for approval is really the desire for safety and wellbeing, and it can never be found if we continueto look for it in the wrong place - outside of our inner most selves.
There are therefore two things I will tend to work on with my clients in order to overcome this obstacle:
1 Finding the source of wellbeing
All happiness, well-being and wisdom comes from within. It is not the fruit of something we do; it is the essence of who we are. All our attempts to find well-being from outside ourselves are doomed to fail simply because it is impossible to find what has never been lost.This confusion as to the source and location of well-being is innocent and understandable - almost everything in our culture encourages us to look outside ourselves, telling us "you'll be happy when you get what you want (or at least when you get whatwe tell you you should want". But reality is much kinder. As you connect with the good feelings which are always thereinside you, they will effortlessly carry you all the way back to the source.
2. Making money a worthy goal
While finding the true source of wellbeing is perhaps the single most important thing I assist my clients in doing, it's the very rare exception that someone goes all the way beyond the desire for approval in one fell swoop. In the meantime, it'suseful to stop thinking about making money as something you are going to be disapproved of for doing. By exploring the very tangible ways that you will be able to improve the quality of life of yourself and others by having more resources available with which to do so, you will quickly make your peace with making money. Not as a "necessary evil", but as a "desired for good".Today's experiment will help you to experience these two thingsfor yourself...
Today's Experiment:
1. Take some time to day to feel good for no reason other than that it feels good! If you haven't already, go out and buy a copy of my book "Feel Happy Now!" and use one of the dozens of strategies inside to access your own innate wellbeing. (By the way, do you disapprove of me using this tip to sell you something? Go on, be honest... :-)
2. Fill in the blanks in this sentence until you have established a "worthy goal" for yourself around money:My goal is to make ________ (amount of money) in ___________(time frame) for the purpose of ___________.Have fun, learn heaps, and join me next week as we tackle thesecond challenge on this obstacle course to wealth!
I, Chris Lim, express my Full credit to Michael Niell, author of this article,
For more information, please visit http://www.geniuscatalyst.com/.
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posted by chris L | 1:41 PM
